Amaranthine
by Xeroxyx
Summary: "No matter how many times I'm reborn, I'm sure I'll fall in love with you again." Her love was undying. Shirley's POV. Shirley/Lelouch. Spoilers for R2, ep 13.


.. Have you ever seen those situations where someone sees their life 'flash before their eyes' when they're close to death? They always seemed so fake, so.. plastic. Strangely enough, it's true – lying in a sea of blood, I see my life fly by, slowly. All I can see is Lelouch, though. To think that I would see someone I admired.. no, loved, trapped in a myriad of wars, alone.. it's sad, seeing him face this alone now.. I just wish this hadn't happened..

* * *

The first time I recall seeing Lulu, he walked into the Student Council room and told us that he was the new member. I was happy to greet the new member, but later on as I saw him more often, I found myself staring at him more often.

Even when I was talking with Milly and Nina, there was something about him; sometimes it was his dark, ebony hair; sometimes it would be his somewhat stoic personality; but mostly, I noticed, I was always interested in his eyes; his eyes were a sharp amaranthine – they were so mesmerising to look at, but at the same time they always looked so.. empty. As if he always had something else on his mind besides the topic at hand.

I just wanted to talk to him about it, but at the same time because of how he acted around us, usually so quiet and desolate, I disliked him.. I can't deny that Lulu was still a good person. I once saw him help an elderly couple when their car broke down, and he didn't even do it out of trying to gain recognition.. he did it in such a care-free way. Since that day any disliking I had to him probably faded, I guess, and it just reverted back to me looking at him.

Milly eventually noticed me staring and started teasing me about it – I swear, she could give me more heart attacks than being held hostage by some Japan Liberation Front group,. especially when she said whoever caught Arthur would get a kiss from anyone in the Student Council. Suzaku eventually caught onto my feelings when he joined, too.. I wondered how Lelouch never noticed himself.

I really wanted to confess these feelings to him at one point.. but I always felt so shy around him. But he always comforted me whenever I needed it, and he always helped me.. he was so kind, especially when my father died, and I just kissed him. I don't know if it was out of desperation, or out of sorrow, or out of my love.. but I kissed him. Lulu.. he didn't run away, and we were still friends after.. I was glad for that. I guess he might have loved me at the time too, but I wasn't sure.

It's hard to think the guy who was so kind to me would be involved in the Order of the Black Knights.. I didn't even believe it at first. Some woman named Viletta told me that he was involved, and it didn't feel real.. but deep down I had some thought that it was true, and I followed him. I found Knightmares crashed everywhere, people running about.. and then I saw Zero... in the moment, I picked up a gun and was about to fire.. something I would never usually do.. and I saw it was Lelouch.

He was responsible for my father's death. He caused all of this destruction around the country. He caused all of this war. But he was the one who I loved so greatly, who was so kind to me.. I didn't know what to do. Viletta came and was about to kill him, but I fired..

Everything was going wrong at the time.. I started writing a letter.. I don't know who it was to, but I guess it was more like a self-confession or diary about my feelings. I was angry that Lulu killed my dad, and I was sad that my dad died, and I just became torn between the emotions. I was confused. Eventually I gave up on the letter and visited my dad's grave.. some guy named Mao came up to me.

He manipulated my feelings and insecurities.. because of him I almost killed Lulu. Instead I shot something out of his hand. Photographs that we took together. I broke down.. and he used his Geass on me. He made me forget everything that happened to that point.. shooting Viletta, the events surrounding my dad's death and my feelings, people lying to me.. I guess I'm glad for it.. he cared for me so much, and he got rid of these memories to protect me..

In the end I was glad for it. Even when these memories faded back and replaced the plastic memories that were easier to live with.. I didn't feel sad that I was brought back to problems, because I had Lulu to help me, and Lulu had me.

I wanted to find him, to tell him I was willing to support him throughout thick and thin, despite what he's done to the world. Because I knew his intentions were for Nunnally. He wanted to change this world for the better.. I forgave him. I ran into the mall and searched for him, and I ran into Rolo. I asked to make an alliance with him..

* * *

… now I lie on the ground, blood pouring from my stomach. I never thought I would die alone.. and now, I feel so tired. The wake of death beckons me, but I don't want to be dragged by the undertow.. not until I can see Lulu... not un-

" _Shirley!"_

Who.. who's calling my name?.. it's hard to keep my eyes open.

" _Shirley.. who did this to you?"_

.. It's Lelouch.. now I can talk to him.. I'm glad..

" _Lulu.. I'm glad.. we can talk at the very end.."_ It's harder to talk, even... I'm straining my voice.. but I don't mind..

" _Don't say that. It's not the end, I'll call a doctor, so ju-"_ I'm happy he cares for me so much still.. he wants me to live to the end.. but I've lost too much blood, I know, so I stop him.. I just want to talk.

" _Ever since my memories came back, I've been feeling so very afraid.. Our teacher who wasn't a teacher.. friends who don't have memories to share.. everyone was just.. lying.. it felt like the whole world was spying on me. That's the world.. you've been.. fighting by yourself.. isn't it?_.. _all alone.. so that's why I.. I wanted to be someone who would at least be truthful to you.."_

" _Shirley.."_

" _Lulu, I love you.. even knowing that you caught my father in all this.. I simply couldn't hate you.. even though you made me forget everything.. I still fell in love with you.. even though my memories were tampered with.. I kept falling in love with you all over again.."_

" _No, Shirley, you can't die!"_ Lelouch.. he.. took his contact off.. he was going to try to use Geass to help me live.. I'm happy.. he loves me so much still.. I feel the few seconds of the trance of Geass.. but I know it can't help me now.

" _No matter how many times I'm reborn.. I'll keep falling in love with you, Lulu.. I suppose that it's simply fate.."_ It feels so cold.. and the wake of death is closer.. but I need to tell him..

" _No, don't die.. I ORDER YOU NOT TO DIE!"_ And I can feel his care for me.. I feel the repeated Geass trance and I see the tears in his eyes.. his deep, amaranthine eyes..

" _So is that okay then.. Lulu? And as I'm reborn.. I'll fall in love with you over and over.. I'll keep.. falling in love.. with you.."_

And I slip from the world's grasp.. knowing he loved me back..

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 **[A/N] Hey guys, I'm Xeroxyx. Thanks for reading my first fan-fiction**... **Code Geass will pretty much be the death of me.. But anyway. Please review and comment. Constructive criticism is appreciated as well.. because I admit that the last part was probably bad.. ehehe.. sorry.**


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